The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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