Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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