I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize