so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
