why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize