I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
