youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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