i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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