I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
