DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
