All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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