went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So vagazzling was a success
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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