I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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