he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
