Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I love you.
Bad choice
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