yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
