Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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