yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
