Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
