If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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