I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
