so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
