But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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