the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize