Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
