I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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