I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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