Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
