i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
