i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
how does that bad decision feel?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
