how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
