it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
please come you make the beer taste better
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize