Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
