we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
of course. lets lasso hookers.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
