I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
