There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
