you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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