last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
