watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
