I look better un-naked...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
