You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We talked him into tasing himself.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
