Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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