oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
