There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Randomize
