is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
