there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize