So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
