I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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