my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize