gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I could fuck to npr.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So here I am, sexting at work.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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