Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
