Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
