In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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