I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
that may or may not have been my penis.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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