So drunk its hurt
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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