This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
