Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
