I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
