He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
