Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
