Michael Bay diarrhea
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
