I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
