Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
