I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
