quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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