420 ftw
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
