I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
