"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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