Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Less talking, more tequila
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
