I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
do herpes really smell.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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