Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
