I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
